Is My Child, Teen or Young Adult Ready For Therapy?

Great question! If you’re asking this, chances are you’re noticing something that doesn’t feel quite right—and you’re looking for support. It’s not always easy to tell whether your child, teen, or young adult is just going through a rough patch or needs extra help and is ready for therapy. Therapy can be a powerful tool to support their emotional development, build coping skills, and improve their overall well-being, but in order for therapy to be most effective, it’s important that the client is ready and open for therapy.

How to Tell If Therapy Might Be Helpful

How do you know when it’s time to seek support? Here are some signs that therapy could be beneficial:

According to the Canadian Paediatric Society, “early identification and treatment of mental health disorders in children and youth is essential for long-term well-being.” (Caring for Kids, CPS)

Big Emotions That Feel Unmanageable
Frequent, intense emotions—like overwhelming sadness, anxiety, or anger—that interfere with daily life may signal a need for support. Therapy can help kids and teens regulate their emotions and develop healthy coping strategies.
The Child Mind Institute notes, “the most important sign that a child might need professional help is a noticeable change in their behavior that lasts more than a few weeks.” (ChildMind.org)

Changes in Behavior or Mood
A sudden or significant change in mood, personality, or behavior—such as withdrawal from loved ones, increased irritability, or heightened sensitivity—can be a sign of emotional distress.

Difficulty with School or Social Life
Struggles with academics, avoiding school, frequent peer conflict, or feelings of loneliness may reflect deeper emotional challenges.

Physical Symptoms Without a Clear Medical Cause
Headaches, stomachaches, or ongoing fatigue without a medical explanation are often linked to stress, anxiety, or emotional pain.

The American Academy of Pediatrics lists “sudden mood changes, social withdrawal, excessive fears, or decline in school performance” as warning signs of emotional or mental health issues. (HealthyChildren.org)

Risky or Self-Destructive Behavior
Self-harm, substance use, disordered eating, or other unsafe behaviours should always be taken seriously and may require immediate professional help.

Struggles with Self-Esteem or Identity
Frequent expressions of self-doubt, worthlessness, or confusion about identity may indicate a need for a safe space to explore and grow.

Family or Life Transitions
Major changes—like divorce, relocation, loss of a loved one, or changing schools—can be difficult for young people to process. If your child is showing signs of struggling with the adjustment, therapy can help. 

How to Know If Your Loved One Is Ready for Therapy

Not every child or teen is immediately open to the idea of therapy. But here are a few signs they might be ready:

They Agree to Attend Therapy
Even if they’re unsure, a willingness to give therapy a try is a great starting point.

They Recognize That Something’s Not Right
Self-awareness is a strong indicator of readiness. They might not fully understand what’s going on, but they can acknowledge that they’re struggling:
“I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I want to feel better.”

They’re Willing to Talk About It
Sharing feelings—even in a vague or general way—can show that they’re open to exploring their emotions:
“I’m just really frustrated all the time.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’m not myself.”
“I don’t like how I’ve been acting lately.”

They Want Things to Change
Readiness for therapy often comes from a desire for things to be different, even if they’re not sure how.

Keep in mind: your goals for therapy may differ from your child’s. You might focus on behavior or school, while they care more about friendships or emotions. Therapy works best when young people feel ownership of the process.

Why Children and Teens Might Refuse Therapy

It can be frustrating and concerning when a young person isn’t open to therapy—especially when you see that they’re struggling. But refusal is more common than many parents expect, and often rooted in complex emotions. Here are some common reasons children and teens may be hesitant to go to therapy:

They Feel Ashamed or Embarrassed

Therapy can feel like an admission that something is “wrong,” and many young people worry what others will think. They might fear being labeled or judged by peers or even by adults they trust. According to Psychology Today, shame and fear of stigma are among the top reasons why people resist mental health support.

They Don’t Understand What Therapy Is

Younger children, especially, may have a hard time understanding what therapy involves. Teens might envision it as awkward or scary, like being interrogated. They may not realize that therapy is a safe, nonjudgmental space where they can express themselves.

They Fear Losing Control

Many teens are in a developmental stage where autonomy is essential. The idea of someone else “fixing” them can feel threatening. Some might worry that the therapist will side with their parents or push them to change before they’re ready.

They’ve Had a Bad Experience Before

If your child has seen a therapist in the past and didn’t feel heard, understood, or safe, they may be reluctant to try again. A mismatch with a previous therapist can strongly shape future willingness to engage.

They Don’t Think It Will Help

Skepticism is normal—especially if they don’t fully understand how therapy works or haven’t seen immediate change in the past. Some young people believe their problems are too big (or too small) to be helped.

They’re Not Ready to Talk

Sharing painful thoughts and feelings is a vulnerable act. Some children and teens may not feel emotionally safe enough to open up yet, even if they recognize they’re struggling.

They’re Trying to Cope on Their Own

Many kids and teens try to manage on their own before asking for help. This is especially true for those who feel they need to be strong, hide their feelings, or not burden others.

Understanding the “why” behind resistance can help you approach your child with greater empathy—and open the door for future readiness. Often, refusal isn’t a firm no; it’s a “not yet.”

What if my Child Isn’t Ready for Therapy?

If your child or teen isn’t ready for therapy—or flat-out refuses—don’t worry. That doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. Parent coaching can be an excellent first step. Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) is a proven approach that equips parents with tools to support their child emotionally, even if the child doesn’t participate in therapy themselves.

One of the leading EFFT researchers, Dr. Adele Lafrance, writes that “parental involvement in mental health treatment significantly improves outcomes—even when the child refuses to attend therapy.” (Mental Health Foundations)

EFFT empowers you to become a healing influence in your child’s life. It helps you learn to respond intentionally—rather than react emotionally—while processing your own feelings of fear, guilt, or frustration. You don’t have to wait for your child to be ready; support for you can make a big difference in their journey.

Determining whether your child or teen is ready for therapy is a deeply personal and often emotional decision. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. What matters most is your intention—to support your loved one in a way that’s respectful, compassionate, and attuned to their readiness.

Sometimes the first step is a conversation. Other times it’s seeking support for yourself as a parent. Both are equally valuable. Therapy is not about rushing toward a solution—it’s about building a safe, collaborative space for healing and growth.

Need Guidance?
Lois Ells is an advanced EFFT therapist and clinical social worker with 20 years of experience—including 15 years supporting children, teens, and parents with mental health struggles at the IWK.

Book a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if she’s the right fit for your family.