VIDEO-Emotional Regulation for Parents: The First Step to Helping Your Kids

This video presents something essential, yet often overlooked in parenting:  our own self-regulation.

As parents, we often focus on helping our children manage their big emotions—but the real starting point is learning how to manage our own. This isn’t about blame or judgment. We all carry our histories, our past experiences, and our learned behaviors. It’s not our fault, but it is our responsibility to recognize those patterns and decide how we want to move forward.

Our own emotional regulation is the foundation for our child’s emotional growth.

Let’s get practical. I want to share two simple, yet powerful ways to begin this work.

1. Notice What’s Happening Inside You

The next time your child is having a strong emotional reaction, instead of focusing solely on their behavior, pause and turn inward. Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?

• Am I irritated, anxious, overwhelmed, or even sad?

• Where in my body do I feel it?

The emotions we experience can vary depending on the child and the situation. For example, I often feel anger when I interact with my son—he’s very willful and strong-minded, which pushes certain buttons in me. With my daughter, who is highly sensitive and expressive, I tend to feel a lot of sadness or emotional overwhelm.

Our children’s behaviors stir up different emotional responses in us for different reasons. That’s not something to feel bad about—it’s something to be curious about.

2. Observe How You Show Up in Everyday Life

Emotional regulation isn’t just for moments of parenting. It shows up everywhere—in how we react when we’re cut off in traffic, when we get an unexpected bill, or when our boss asks us to stay late. It even shows up when we receive great news.

By tuning into how we process our own stress, frustration, sadness, or joy, we build the emotional awareness we need to be more present with our kids. When we start showing up in calmer, more grounded ways, our children begin to model and mirror that same behavior.

Supporting your child’s emotional development begins with doing the inner work of understanding your own. If this sounds overwhelming, take heart—change starts with small steps and compassionate curiosity, not perfection.

If you found this helpful and want to explore more, feel free to reach out or leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions, and I’m always open to creating more content that supports your parenting journey.

Thanks again for watching, reading, and reflecting.

– Dr. Adam

Parenting isn’t just about managing your child’s emotions—it’s about learning to manage your own. By embracing the science behind emotional regulation, you can create deeper emotional connections with your child and equip them with the tools they need to navigate their own feelings throughout life. If you’d like some support learning how to better manage your reactions (most of use were never taught how to do this well in Childhood), Dr. Kayfitz specializes in working with adults and parents and is currently accepting new clients.  You can book your first apppointment with him at the link below.